Another Man's Child Read online

  ‘Look, Norah, I only danced with Andy,’ Celia said. ‘I didn’t give him my hand in marriage or anything, and at least the man has a job.’

  ‘That’s just it,’ Norah said. ‘He has a job and incidentally I hope you’re not referring to him in that familiar way. He should be Mr McCadden to you.’

  Celia looked at her sister incredulously and then, head on one side, she asked, ‘You sure you’re ready for America, cos things are a lot less formal there, Jim says? And while we are talking of America, who is going to police you and make sure you only mix with suitable people, cos Jim says that Aunt Maria is much more relaxed about things than Mammy and Daddy? And if you’re honest that’s one of the major reasons for you busting a gut to go to America.’

  Norah was silent because she knew her sister was absolutely right and Celia went on, ‘Anyway you are telling me off but you’re not so squeaky clean yourself. You played with Joseph till he thought you two had a future together and then threw him over. I think that is far worse than me being friends with a hireling boy.’

  Again Norah didn’t answer Celia but instead, as the church came into view, she called to Ellie and Sammy to tell them it was time to calm down and enter the church in a respectable manner.

  There was no time to speak of this again for they were greeted by fellow parishioners as they approached the church.

  It was much later, after the big roast dinner and apple pie and custard was eaten and the mountain of washing-up done, that Celia had time to think of Andy McCadden and where he would be that afternoon. She knew she would be in big trouble if it was ever discovered that she was slipping out to meet a man on her own and especially when that man was a hireling man.

  Celia listened to the ticking of the clock and the settling of peat in the grate and she looked around at the others in the room. Her father was already snoring and her mother almost asleep. Tom had long gone, she could hear Dermot and the young ones playing football in the yard and Norah had finished her embroidery and was looking as bored as she was. Suddenly Celia felt stifled and a spirit of recklessness seemed to run all through her body and she leapt to her feet and said, ‘I fancy a walk.’

  ‘A walk,’ repeated Peggy, jerked awake as if such a thing was beyond her understanding.

  ‘Yes, a walk,’ Celia said. ‘It’s such a nice day and a shame to spoil it staying inside. Are you coming with me, Norah?’

  ‘Yes,’ Peggy said, coming round to the idea. ‘It will do the pair of you good. I used to walk miles at your age.’

  Norah could hardly say then she didn’t want to go, not without betraying Celia, because she was well aware that this was no innocent walk; she knew her sister well and her face was very expressive. However, she said nothing for she felt a little like a hypocrite because once she was in America and away from her parents and the insular Catholic community she intended to have as much fun as she could. Maybe then she shouldn’t judge her sister for squeezing a bit of happiness out of life for herself. Nothing could come of it and, although Norah wanted no part in deceiving her parents, she knew she had to go along with Celia to make sure no harm came to her.

  ‘So?’ Norah said as they reached the lane.

  ‘What do you mean, so?’

  ‘Come on,’ Norah said. ‘I wasn’t born yesterday and you have never suggested going for a walk before.’

  ‘People can change you know. It isn’t a crime.’

  ‘Celia, stop playing games,’ Norah said with a sigh of exasperation. ‘Have you arranged to meet someone on this walk or haven’t you?’

  ‘All right,’ Celia said. ‘Nothing is arranged but Andy did say he fancied walking round Lough Eske because Dinny told him how beautiful it was.’

  ‘It very likely is,’ Norah said. ‘It’s some time since I have been that way and I doubt it will have changed much.’

  ‘Well we’ll soon see that for ourselves,’ Celia said.

  ‘Oh no we won’t,’ Norah said. ‘Because that is the one place we must avoid at all costs.’ And she stood stock still on the road.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘You shouldn’t need to ask that.’

  ‘Norah, you’re the one that said I am too anxious to please,’ Celia cried. ‘And that I do things I might not want to do in case I upset people – and you’re right. But sometimes you have to upset people for your own sake.’

  Norah felt a bit guilty then for telling Celia what was expected of a farmer’s daughter, for all it was true. ‘All right,’ she said. ‘So what do you intend to do to stamp your independence?’

  ‘I don’t intend to do anything,’ Celia said. ‘I mean I haven’t got any sort of plan, but I will not let Daddy force me to marry a man he thinks is a good catch that I might not even like. And you said that means I have to meet other men and one of those who’s very pleasant is Andy McCadden and I am going down to Lough Eske and if he is there we will walk together and talk and you can please yourself. And,’ she went on as she saw her sister open her mouth, ‘if you say one more time that he’s a hireling man, like he is some lesser kind of human being, I will be very angry with you.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to say that,’ Norah protested, running to keep up with her sister, who was making her way in the direction of Lough Eske at a tidy pace. ‘I was going to say you don’t know him.’

  ‘I know enough,’ Celia said. ‘I know, as I told you, that his parents own a farm, which his older brother will inherit. Added to that there are two younger than him at home and his two older sisters were married this year, which was very expensive for their family, and so, knowing he would have to leave the farm anyway, eventually he decided to go sooner and not be a further burden for his family. I think that’s quite enough to be going on with and anything else I wish to know I can ask him when and if we meet.’

  ‘When did you find all that out?’

  ‘Mainly when we were walking the bull up the lane,’ Celia said.

  ‘Well he’s a quick worker I must say.’

  ‘Norah, it wasn’t like that,’ Celia protested. ‘Honestly, we were just making conversation. Why don’t you take off your stuffy, disgruntled face and come and meet him? I’m sure if you judge him fairly you’ll find him as pleasant as I do.’

  Norah knew that she shouldn’t agree to this. Not only should she refuse to see him, she should tell Celia not to be so foolish and either drag her away or, failing that, go home now and tell her parents of Celia’s intentions. But she did none of these things and found herself nodding as she said, ‘All right, I’ll meet him, but I will make up my own mind about him and will be honest with you.’

  That seemed to satisfy Celia but Norah went forward with some trepidation because, however nice this man might be, she knew it would all end in tears when it was discovered that Celia had met and walked and talked with a totally unsuitable man and one she had no sort of understanding with. And they were bound to be spotted – you couldn’t sneeze in this place without everyone being aware of it – and she knew without doubt that that discovery would happen before either of them was very much older.

  However, she was pleasantly surprised by Andy McCadden. It was easy to see why her sister had been so taken with him for not only was he incredibly handsome, he also had a pleasant disposition and was quite likeable in fact. His face took on a beam of happiness when he saw Celia, but he looked at Norah ruefully as he said, ‘I am surprised to see you, Miss Mulligan, for I know you don’t really approve of me.’

  Norah didn’t deny it but she qualified it by saying, ‘It’s nothing personal, Mr McCadden. It’s just that we are farmer’s daughters while you …’

  ‘While I am just the hired help,’ Andy said.

  ‘Basically yes, that’s it.’

  Andy didn’t speak for a moment, but looked across the lough before saying, ‘Dinny and his wife were right about this place, it is very beautiful. Shall we take a turn around it?’

  Both girls would rather that than stand in an uncomfortable silence but when Andy of
fered his arm to both women Norah hesitated, but eventually, seeing Celia had no qualms, she put a tentative arm through his. To cover her slight embarrassment she returned to the subject of the lough. ‘In the spring it’s beautiful right enough with the sun shining on the water and the reeds and rushes sighing in the breeze,’ she said.

  ‘I bet it’s a different place in the winter though,’ Celia said. ‘All desolate and bleak.’

  ‘Have you seen it that way yourself?’

  Celia shook her head. ‘I told you I have never been here, winter or summer, we hardly ever come here and I don’t know why as it’s on our doorstep.’

  ‘Oh that’s often the way things are,’ Andy said.

  ‘Celia says you came to Donegal from Killybegs looking for work?’ Norah said. ‘You didn’t want to go further afield? England perhaps?’

  ‘No,’ Andy said. ‘I mean, I might change my mind later, but at the moment Ireland serves me well enough and I do think it’s incredibly beautiful.’

  ‘So do I,’ Celia said.

  ‘But so dreadfully boring,’ added Norah.

  ‘Only in your opinion,’ Celia retorted.

  ‘Your sister tells me you want to go to America,’ Andy said.

  ‘Yes, that’s true.’

  ‘I’m told the situation is very different there,’ Andy said. ‘There is none of the outdated class system we have here and a man is judged for who he is rather than what he does and that goes for employment too.’

  Norah knew that was true for Jim had said as much in one of his letters:

  It’s having a job that’s praised here and a man who works is respected, whether he waits on tables, or empties bins, or is a shopkeeper or banker. No worker is looked down on.

  ‘That is mainly true,’ Norah said to Andy. ‘My brother who is over there says a similar thing.’

  ‘So then how can you feel the way you do about Andy just because he’s a hired man and has no farm of his own?’ Celia demanded.

  ‘I feel that way because I don’t live in America yet,’ Norah retorted. ‘And neither do you and like it or not you have to go with the culture of the place.’

  ‘Even if you don’t agree with it?’

  ‘Even then.’

  ‘Then how are things ever to change? How are we ever to be free?’

  Norah sighed, ‘All changes to life here come very slowly.’

  ‘Like the mills of God,’ Andy said. ‘But eventually all people will see how constrained their lives are and change will begin to seep in.’

  ‘D’you really think so?’

  ‘I more than think,’ Andy said. ‘I know so. People’s dissatisfaction will challenge the old order. In semi-remote areas like this it might take longer but it will happen regardless.’

  ‘It won’t change quickly enough for my parents to sanction you and Celia having any sort of friendship, never mind anything more.’

  Andy nodded. ‘I agree.’

  ‘Well I don’t,’ burst out Celia. ‘And stop talking about me as if I’m not here.’

  ‘I was going to go on to say that I know if your parents were aware that we were meeting and talking this way then they would be upset,’ Andy said. ‘They might be very angry and it may be that you have no wish to annoy your parents in that way. And if you really feel that, I will not press you and this will be the first and last time we’ll meet this way.’

  Celia chewed on her bottom lip. Once she had wondered if she could do something that her parents so strongly disapproved of, but that was before she had met Andy. If she told him to go now she would be behaving like a coward, letting someone else choose her future for her, and she thought of all the single farmers round and about and there was not one that had the slightest appeal for her. The thought of being married off to one of those without the least regard for how she felt about it did not fill her with joy. She intended to marry only for love, as she had already said to Norah, and in the meantime be friends with whoever she liked.

  The silence had stretched out between them without her being aware of it as she walked along the side of the lake with thoughts tumbling about in her head and when she glanced at Andy she saw his face creased with concern and so she spoke firmly. ‘As a child you try to please your parents, but as an adult, though you don’t go out of your way to oppose them and make them cross and worried, you can’t live your life just to please them because that might not be what you want to do. We get one crack at our future. Norah is spending hers in America and I want to spend mine here and find someone I could love enough to marry and so I am going to continue to be friends with you because that is another thing I want to do.’

  Andy wasn’t totally happy with that because he was quite taken with Celia and had begun to hope that he might be the special one in her life. But for all her almost eighteen years, she was like an inexperienced infant in matters of the heart and he knew he had to tread very carefully so as not to scare her and so he squeezed her arm a little tighter and said, ‘I’m pleased.’

  Norah said nothing but feared for Celia, because despite the brave words she had never stood against her parents about anything. Everyone knew that Celia hated arguments and she wondered if her sister had the moral fibre to withstand the fallout from this.

  But then Norah reasoned that if she hadn’t and if her sister caved in as soon as her father found out, forbade her to go on with it as she knew he would, Celia would in all probability say a tearful farewell to Andy McCadden. And if she was upset, then she would get over it and it would be the best solution all round – and anyway by that time Norah would be in America and away from all the unpleasantness.

  So, working on the assumption that the little chaste affair would be discovered and stopped sooner rather than later, she declared herself on their side. Celia was delighted. ‘What changed your mind?’

  ‘You did,’ Norah said simply. ‘For what you said made sense and I think marriage is hard enough without being chained for life to someone you actively dislike – and that could happen.’

  ‘What about you saying I should do my duty like Tom?’

  ‘Well I never said you should. I just thought you would go ahead with any plans Daddy may have for you because you have never defied him before. But you have said you will only marry for love, so stick out for that.’

  ‘What about Tom?’

  ‘Tom will inherit,’ Norah said. ‘So it’s his job to marry suitably and, if they love each other as well, that’s a bonus for them both.’

  ‘It all seems very clinical,’ Celia said.

  ‘It probably is a bit,’ Andy said. ‘But even if the words aren’t actually spoken they’re understood. My brother Chris knows what he must do too.’

  ‘Do you regret not being the eldest?’ Norah asked.

  ‘I did,’ Andy admitted. ‘But then I got to thinking about it and I’ve got more freedom being the second son, freedom to go where I choose and marry who I choose and when I want as well and not at my father’s urging.’

  ‘Oh I can see that,’ Celia said. ‘And my brother Jim seems happy enough. I mean, Tom might have liked to go to America as well, but I doubt he would have been let go, at least not without a fight.’

  ‘I’ll be happy enough when I get there as well,’ Norah said. ‘Can’t come quick enough for me. And just for now we shall have to get back fairly soon, so if we are going to walk around the lake we shall have to put our back into it.’

  And they did and later, as they made their way home, Norah acknowledged what good company Andy McCadden was and thought it a damned shame that it couldn’t work out between him and her sister.

  FOUR

  Six more weeks passed. Easter came and went and Celia turned eighteen and the relationship between Celia and Andy blossomed. Celia dreamed of Andy almost every night and woke with a smile on her face and at odd moments throughout the day his face would float into her mind and a warm glow would fill her being. Celia often wondered if she was falling in love with Andy, but she wasn’t sure. S
he thought it odd that, though it was the thing often sung about and written about and all, no one explained how you would feel and it wasn’t a question you could ask of anyone, least of all Norah. But Celia was well aware that life without Andy would be much bleaker and lonelier and more especially so when Norah sailed for America when she imagined it might be harder to see him as often.

  She trembled when she imagined her father’s rage when he found out about their relationship and yet he had to know because she hated meeting Andy in secret. In fact she seldom met him at all in the week for they both had jobs to do and their absence would be noticed, but every Saturday she and Norah would make for the town with the list of things their mother wanted and always meet Andy on a similar errand for the Fitzgeralds and they would take a turn about the town together and, though Norah was there too, she often would take an interest in a shop window or have a chat with some of her old friends and let them wander off together.

  Andy was always grateful at her doing this, though he too hated the subterfuge and from the first had wanted to call on Celia’s father and ask for his permission to walk out with her, but Norah and Celia had begged him not to. But as each day passed, Celia was becoming more and more important to him and he had seen the love light in her eyes when she looked at him, though he had never touched her, much as he wanted to, for he couldn’t bring himself to until it was known to her family.

  But, oh, how he longed to hold her hand as they walked the town, or take her in a tight embrace and give her a kiss – not a proper kiss for he imagined that would frighten the life out of her – but just to put his lips on her little rosebud mouth would do for now. The dance that she came to with Norah every week, when she danced virtually every dance with him, was the only time he could legitimately hold her in his arms and it simply wasn’t enough any more.

  And that is what he told Celia that Saturday. ‘You mean one hell of a lot to me, Celia, and I want to declare that, not conduct some sort of hole-in-a-corner affair.’